Enjoy the Silence

Sorry my trusty followers. Just kidding. Not the sorry part but the trusty followers. You are loyal readers on a journey just like me. The ones that I pay to read this do not count. (insert laugh track).

God is blowing me a kiss.

So where did I go?

Lately, things have been a little crazy, and I would say that I usually would crawl into a hole and hide, but this time I am not hiding or fighting. Things are different when Jesus takes the wheel.

I am not sure what I can say right now in regards to my past right now. I have so many things I want to share, and yet I am waiting on the Holy Spirit to bring to light my next topic. That is why I have been silent. I thought that I had run out of things to say to you, nothing left to share, and that all this has been for nothing. But that is not that case at all. In fact, I have been healing. He doesn’t want me to run ahead of him. He wants me to learn and grow and heal from the experiences that I bring forth to you. So the topics I have been sharing with you my loyal readers are the stuff I still need to heal from. Isn't he so clever? Wow, I just love his ways!

So then why not heal in the process right? When things begin to build up, you find resentment and animosity. You are bound by the chains you hold on to. In a sense you are never going to move forward if you don't heal the past. I don’t feel that I have resentment now because, by the grace of God, I am healing. Keyword. HEALING, Not healed.

How am I healing?

You know what I have found in the process of my healing? I want to be the joyous person that attracts others to Christ. That is it in a nutshell. "Missio in vita mea." (My mission in life.) Nothing more than that. I do fail a lot. And I refuse to use the excuse, "I am only human." YES, WE ARE HUMAN because God loves us so much and wanted to share His love with us. Thus he created us to desire His love. I won't give you a catechism lesson on the Creation narrative, but I will tell you this. Yes, we are human, and we sin. But we are all faced with two decisions. Do you run and hide like Adam and Eve, or do you come out from the trees and tell God you are sorry as He picks you up in His ever loving arms and wipes the sin away as He holds you. Ummmmm duh. I chose the latter. No brainer. But it is so hard. Our pride gets in the way. See though; He doesn't care about that. Nor should you. Nor the people who see you come to Him.

What is more attractive? The person who continues to hid as you watch them sin again and again with no remorse whether they realize it or not.? Or the person who sins and asks forgiveness, while admitting wrongdoing. Oh, that is so much more beautiful I think. Now, if you see or hear me asking forgiveness all the time, pray for me. Because it is going to happen a lot and I do not want my pride controlling me. I want to be a humble soul in the eyes of God.

I also want to be the one that people say, “She is always so happy.” And when they ask why, I will say, “Because I live for Christ and not for myself.” Some days are harder than others, and all you can do is get back up and try again. Those moments in themselves bear great fruit.

I know that my family didn’t sign up for this radical change in me, and it causes a lot of heartache and problems often. Just Sunday (Feast of Divine Mercy - BEST DAY EVER!) I “dragged” my kids to the Divine Mercy celebration, confession, and mass. But it is out of obedience and love for God that I did that. I want nothing more than my family to be a family of Saints.

So, just a little brag moment. My son and I prayed the Novena of Divine Mercy. Nine days of straight dedicated prayer time. It was amazing. He was passionate about it, he told me that he enjoyed it, and he even gave up some of his time to spend it with the Lord, which we all should do. He had a friend spend the night, and he broke away for ten minutes to pray the chaplet. What a kid! But the amazing thing he said to me is this. “Mom, you are a saint. I love you.” Just out of the blue. And my response was this. “Not yet baby, but I am working on it.” Having a goal is the reason to continue. What is your goal? Mine is to be a family of Saints.Yep, every one of us. And I will not give up. I will fail at times as I said, but I think it is in that failure, and what I do with that failure that will show my family Jesus. NO MORE HIDING!

I do not claim to have all the answers. Not even one answer. But I do claim to have experience. I have experienced the bad and the good. The ugly and the beautiful. The dirty and the clean. There is never a day that goes by God isn't talking to me. Either through my environment, in another person, or in the silence of my own heart. But I just need to shut up and enjoy the silence so I can hear Him. Try it, you will not be disappointed.