He strikes again! But I have had angels my whole life! Even if I did not know it.

It is probably a good thing I am not writing this when events were actually happening. The devil is a sneaky little thing. I would have had no insight for you. Just anger and the constant asking of "Why?" I was reading about how the devil leaks near our crosses, and it dawned on me that the devil uses my pleasures of the flesh against me to turn me away from God. How dare him right?

When I was little, I love to draw. It calmed me and, in a sense, sedated me in a good way. The troubles of the world seemed to leave my body through my hand and onto the paper where it remained forever unable to affect me again. I am an extreme perfectionist. I just recently bought another planner because I messed up in my old one and could not fix it. Oh, it made me so mad. Even thinking about it now I get frustrated at the fact that I am such a perfectionist. Oops, sorry… squirrel. Where was I? Oh yeah. Anyways, my "art" was good for me, or so I thought. It was pleasurable for me. It made me very happy to draw until it didn't. I was free when I created. My fears vanished, sadness did not exist, troubles faded away, and then one day my mom noticed my drawings. She said she loved them. That was the best and worst day of my life or, so I thought.

My drawing became something to recreate. My perfectionism started to take hold of me. I would draw till I became depressed, sad, and utterly miserable. Then I just stopped altogether. I wanted so bad to recreate the feeling of my mom saying she loved my work instead of using it as a gift my God gave me to be close to him. I knew deep down she loved my art, but I needed the verbal and physical reaction. Pride dang you!!! It strikes again. Lust of the eyes and flesh. The warm embrace of my mother and to see her smile at my drawings was all I longed for. Then it became wanting that feeling from everyone else. The devil got me with his slithering snake of a self, and I no longer listened to what God was saying.

The funny thing is, after my first bite of the apple, I never got the same feeling or reaction again because I could never draw with the same sense of peace and tranquility. The devil took me away from God that day and used my mom. Just like him and Eve. He appealed to her desire to be like God, and he appealed to me in wanting acceptance and love from my mother.

What I want you to know is, the devil knows what he is doing. He is so very good at it. He thrives on keeping you away from God. There is nothing he will not use to break us away from the loving embrace of God. He wants to harm us even though it is wrapped up in something pleasurable. We must be careful. Having a gift that you recognize, that brings you peace should never warrant needing praise or validation. If anything, we should be praising God for giving us that gift.